


What's Kallum Malone Been Hiding?

by jazminealthia, sksdwrld



Series: Duality of Nature [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazminealthia/pseuds/jazminealthia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksdwrld/pseuds/sksdwrld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his breakdown at the last interview, Kallum returns to explain himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Kallum Malone Been Hiding?

It's hard to imagine that Kallum Malone could be hiding much of anything. The model and youngest son of reality's Rock the Cradle dynasty has made a name for himself with his brash attitude and outlandish behavior. Diagnosed as Bipolar at the tender age of 11, most people think he's using the diagnosis to explain away just another case of Young Beautiful and Famous.

But last month, in what was scheduled to be a pretty basic Q&A Kallum...

**Kallum Malone** : I had a f***ing breakdown. 

We weren't going to say that...

**KM** : It's okay to say it. It's what happened. I figured we were being honest here, right? Why sugar coat s**t?

Fair enough. Well, Kallum, if you don't mind, could you explain what happened?

**KM** : I kinda do mind, but I also owe you, so why not? _Kallum laughs_. Being bipolar is a special kind of hell, let me tell you. Everyone thinks it's a joke when I'm just out at a club, making out with pretty people, getting drunk, acting like a spoiled brat. But that's just what sells.

So you're saying it's an act? 

**KM** laughs: No. It's all s**t I would've done anyway, just, amplified. But... you know, everyone has a good side. As a model we're told to learn our angles, know which side of your face the light plays off better. Being bipolar in this town is like that. It knows how to act, how to pose, where to linger so it looks good. And it knows what to hide.

And what is it hiding, Kallum?

**KM** : It's hiding it's other half, man. Bipolar disorder used to be called manic depression. Both sides can exist. Diagnostically they both don't have to happen, but they usually do. You cycle up, back to baseline, up again, back to baseline, then you drop down...

Is that where you were when we last spoke?

**KM** : I was on the way down.

So you can tell when you're ramping up or down?

**KM** : Oh yeah. Totally. Especially for me when I'm heading into a depressive episode. Even when I'm "normal" I'm pretty open and out there, so when that starts going away I can tell really fast that it's happening.

You knew you were heading into a depressive episode when you came to the interview?

**KM** : Sure I did. But it's not like I could call out because I felt a depressive episode coming on. I never know how bad things will get. It had been a long time since I'd had one. 

How long had it been?

**KM** : Since I had a depressive episode? Two years ago. It was really mild. Comparatively.

Compared to what?

**KM** : Compared to one I had before that. 

Which was...

**KM** : F***ing terrible. _Kallum pauses and laughs_. Sorry. I have to laugh about it or else I'll lose my f***ing mind. If you'll excuse the pun. It was when I was 15. I wouldn't leave my room. I wouldn't eat. All I did was sleep and complain about missing my grandmother. Up until then I'd been pretty okay without any straight up antidepressants, because in teenagers - especially bipolar teenagers - antidepressants can have paradoxical effects.

Meaning?

**KM** : Meaning within days of starting these new meds I tried to kill myself.

How do you know that was the medication? You were heading into a depressive episode anyway.

**KM** : It was literally within days of starting them. And I'd never had suicidal thoughts before. Ever. Even that particular episode I didn't want to die until I got put on those pills.

So what happened after that?

**KM** : I was hospitalized for a few weeks. _Kallum laughs._ Oh come on. Trying to lighten up the conversation here. All doom and gloom talking about me trying to off myself. Really badly, too. I threw myself off our roof. Our one story roof. _He laughs again._ I was so f***ing tired I wasn't thinking straight. All I could think of was how if I was dead I wouldn't feel that way anymore, and if I threw myself off the roof it would be less traumatic than stabbing myself in the kitchen. But I got out, they switched up my meds again, trying a **different** antidepressant. And wouldn't you f***ing know it, within days of the new pills I was trying to hang myself. I remember I just couldn't wrap my head around feeling that way anymore. How it was this bottomless pit of nothingness and I couldn't bear feeling that way, without any relief in sight. Luckily after that they stopped the antidepressants. Now don't f***ing quote me saying they'll do that to everyone. It's just... you have to be f***ing careful.

With these cycles... is it usually random? Or are there triggers that can start an episode?

**KM** : I was first diagnosed after my grandmother died. We were really close and I didn't recover well at all. I was dramatic, loud... it's hard to explain. Still not exactly on top of my game today.

So what about last time?

**KM** : I can't really say. 

Really? You seemed to change during the course of the interview...

**KM** : You want me to say you set me off? You didn't. Sometimes s**t just pops up. Sometimes there are things you try to hide from for so long they eventually catch up to you. And sometimes that timing really f***ing sucks. 

What popped up, Kallum?

**KM** : You f***ing deaf? I told you. Something I've been trying to hide from.

Well it did catch up to you, didn't it?

**KM** : It caught up to me, yeah. And I've spent a lot of f***ing time this past month figuring out how to f***ing process it. You hide from something for long enough...

We tried continuing the interview, but Kallum sunk into his chair and wouldn't talk. So we're left to wonder, under the brooding gaze, pouting lips, and puffs of cigarette smoke... what else is churning behind those bright eyes? Kallum Malone, not just the party boy anymore.


End file.
